Communication is the lifeblood of the relationship. How well the two of you communicate is the single best indicator of how likely it is that you will enjoy your lifelong partnership. Every communication skill or skill deficit is the tip of an iceberg that defines a relationship. For that reason, when you change a communication habit, you change the whole relationship.

You are not psychic and neither is your partner. When communicating with your partner, if you have any doubt about what has just been said or you’re still not sure what is making your partner upset, ASK. It’s worse to assume something that is wrong and then jump to the wrong conclusion.

Use “I” Statements: When you talk about what YOU are feeling and needing, it stops you from sounding like you are blaming your partner, which can make your partner feel attacked and take the discussion to a more negative level. If you say, for example, “I need you to call me when you are going to be late. I worry when I haven’t heard from you,” your partner cannot argue with that. After all, it is how YOU feel. This way, no blame is communicated only the feeling or need that you want the other person to understand and consider.

Listen and don’t interrupt: One of the biggest contributors to the cause of an argument is nobody really listens to the other person; everyone’s just merely waiting for his or her turn to talk. Most of the time, disagreements can be resolved more easily using effective communication skills and paying more attention to what is making the other person upset. Lookout for telltale signs in the person’s body language too, for hints on thoughts and feelings.

Pay attention to body language (yours and your partner’s): Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel you’re being dishonest. For example, you can’t say “yes” while shaking your head no. If you disagree with or dislike what’s being said, you may use negative body language to rebuff the other person’s message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don’t have to agree, or even like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively without making the other person defensive, it’s important to avoid sending negative signals.

Watch your tone! Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it that can make or break the communication. Keep your tone respectful, loving, positive and such that it invites collaboration.

Before You Shout, Call a Time-Out. Before your argument crosses the point of no return and you start saying or doing things you will later regret, call for a “Time Out”. When angry emotions crop up, people stop listening and things can take a turn for the worse. In such cases, one of the best things to do is to table the argument, for now, and state that you need some time to cool off. If you do this, you must call a “time out”, and leave the room.  Agree to reconvene at a later time to continue the conversation.

Empathize with your partner. Improving you communication skills has a lot to do with trying to see the situation from THE OTHER PERSON’S point of view. This will help you understand where their reaction is coming from.

Texting-Use with caution!! Most of communication is nonverbal, around 90%. Texting is a form of communication that strips vital nonverbal elements. When texting-confirming messages are best conveyed with an emotional dimension – communicating essentially: “I care about you,” and “You’re important in my life.” In fact, sending affectionate messages to your partner yields even greater emotional satisfaction than receiving them. On the other hand, couples who rely on texting for conflict resolution tend to experience lower relationship satisfaction. When texting, vital verbal, non-verbal and emotional cues are invariably missed, which can severely limit a couple’s ability to reconcile.